Why The Mean Queen Treats Kate Middleton Like A Servant

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Queen Elizabeth has been on the throne a bit too long it seems. After famously hounding Princess Diana out of the palace, the “Mean Queen” has apparently set her sights on Kate Middleton. Why? Here are 12 reasons plain old meanness and jealousy can harden even the loftiest heart. And, oh yeah, the Queen Of England too…

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Kate Middleton Likes Her Long Hair

So do we! You’d have to be one Mean Queen to force the Duchess to cut these beautiful, wind-swept locks. Off with her… hair?
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Kate Middleton Wears Wedges

What’s not to like? Kate Middleton looks quite fetching in this pair. Is she supposed to wear glass slippers… playing volleyball?
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Kate Middleton Doesn’t Have A ‘Proper’ Job

You know, like waving, riding in carriages and oppressing the Third World poor still under Royal domination. Stay away from land mines Kate!
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Kate Middleton Doesn’t Wear Dress Weights

Naturally, we’re all for it, of course. After all, those famous buns will someday occupy a dusty throne, perhaps for decades. Air ‘em out while you can, Kate. And change that fart cushion…
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Kate Middleton Spends Too Much Money

The Queen once applied for a $1.5 million pound grant to heat Buckingham palace at public expense. But let Kate Middleton shop on her own for some knickers and a stash of Obi-Wan Kenobis and it’s a royal scandal. Help us, Kate! You’re our only hope…
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Kate Middleton Got Pippa Middleton A Cushy Job

The Queen believes Pippa was hired as an NBC lifestyle/health features correspondent because of her access to the palace and the Queen. Chelsea Clinton much, DOQ?
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Kate Middleton Shirks Her Royal Duties

Can you blame her? Besides, who has more Royal “Duties” then a Queen who sits around all day on a gilded throne?
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Kate Middleton Sometimes Acts Like A Commoner

Kate Middleton wasn’t always a Princess. So, she probably knows how to make waffles. That’ll probably come in handy after the Apocalypse…
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Kate Middleton Is A Fan Of Downton Abbey

Who isn’t? Oh, wait. Somebody who actually does treat the servants like… servants? At least at Highclere Castle there’s a story going on people actually give a crap about…
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Kate Middleton Wears Short Skirts

Well, how else is she supposed to show off those gorgeous legs and Royal bum? At least she’s wearing underclobbers. Sorry, panties. We think…
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Kate Middleton Picked The Wrong Wedding Gown

Really? Have you ever watched “Say Yes To The Dress” mum? There’s nothing worse than 20 pounds of potatoes stuffed into a 10 pound sack…
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The Prince Will / Kate Middleton Breakup Didn’t Take

The couple split briefly before getting officially engaged. Reportedly, Prince William begged her to come back and promised her life would be different from Princess Diana’s. So far, so good. At least there’s one smart guy left in the Monarchy to carry on. Good move, Wills!
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